Emmett's Wild Ride
by Law Pain I Reviar Mistar Aen
Summary: What happen's when Emmett and the gang meet a man who play's with dolls for a living? One-Shot


_**I just love my teddy bear, Emmett, so I write a lot of stuff about him…DEAL WITH IT!**_

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We all rushed to the car, Jasper had bought us all tickets to go see a ventriloquist. I poked Jasper in the back, "So what the he-," Rose slapped me in the head and sent me a glare, she doesn't like it when I cuss. As you can tell I get slapped a lot. "Sorry…let's start again! OK, so what _heck_ is a ventriloquist?"

Alice butted in before Jasper could say one word. "A ventriloquist is….." she went on and on forever, I was basically asleep. Jasper saw that and made it simpler, "A ventriloquist is basically a man who plays with dolls,"

I laughed. "So Edward's a ventriloquist?" Bella burst out in a fit of giggles, and I got a punch in the arm. "Boy, what a loving brother!" I yelled. "I know," he smiled as he replied.

The car pulled to a stop. "Out you go!" called Alice. How all the hot air could come from that tiny body, the world may never know. "So what's this she-man's name?" I asked Jazz. He grabbed the tickets out of his pocket and read it.

"Uh, it's Jeff Dunham," "Ha, his name has ham in it!" Bella laughed and Edward rolled his eyes, I'm glad Nessie stayed home, this could get ugly.

We entered in the theater and took out seat's all the lights were out. A bright light popped on above the stage. Piece's of little white paper was passed around, I read it. "If you would like to ask Jeff a question please list below, be careful it might be used on stage!" "This is freaking' awesome!" I whispered to myself, and wrote down my question.

The show started, and a man came out on stage, I guess it was probably Jeff Dunham. "Hello Ladies, and… well by the looks of it there are only ladies!" the women laughed. I jumped up and yelled, "Hey I find that offensive mister!" the Rose grabbed me by something I didn't want to be grabbed by and made me sit down. "Crap, do you really want to crush that?!" I shrieked. "I will if you don't sit down and shut up," I obeyed; when I looked up again Jeff had an old man on the table. "Shut the hell up!" the little man yelled, I felt that what he said was directed toward me.

"Be nice," Jeff said. A muffled sound came from the box, in a Spanish accent. "Yes, be nice Walter or I will hit you with my stick!" "What, that toothpick?" the audience laughed.

The muffled sound came again. "Trust me my toothpick is bigger than yours, and from what you wife told me, yours is broken!" applause filled the room, and I laughed my head off. Hey, I had to hand it to him, he was funny!

After Walter another puppet came on the table. "Hey, everyone this is Bubba J," Jeff smiled. The dummy whispered something in his ear. "Bubba J says he wants to sing a song for you guys," people clapped and someone whistled.

He cleared his throat, "Oh, give me a beer, and a couple extra, so I can drink and watch NASCAR all day!" he screeched in his southern accent, he almost sounded like Jazz!

"Where cussing is heard and a man and his bird are passing beer out all day, Beer, beer in my hand, so I can watch NASCAR all day, where seldom is heard a clean and good word, and the cars drive in circle's all day!"

If I could have tears in my eyes from laughing I would. His act passed and it was time for the questions to be asked. He asked some from the people in the crowd and then I heard my name called.

"OK, this is from Emmett Cullen, are you out there Emmett?" I raised my hand. "Ok, Emmett asked…'what brought you so low at to playing with dolls?'. "Well Emmett, it all started the day I look at a video called 'Emmett's Wild Ride!' "

I flipped out. "Crap, YOU SAW THAT?! ALICE!!!!!" I stormed out of the building. Putting foot sized dents in the concrete outside. Needless to say that was the last time we saw Jeff Dunham.

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_**For those luck one's who have seen Jeff Dunham, he is hilarious. I could totally not live up to him with my jokes, which were kind of cheesy, comment, REVIEW!**_


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